Turkey Trot NFL Week 12


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I have to start the day by giving Coachlid a refresher course in How to Handle The Warden, then I'll get to my normal shenanigans.

Cheat Sheet for Coachlid

Note: Please follow guidelines for maximum operational security and peace of mind. Do not deviate from scripted responses.

To answer The Warden's questions during game day, choose from any of the following phrases:

"It's going fine."

"I made a little."

"So far so good."

After a team makes a winning kick, and The Warden looks at you and asks, "Was that good for us?"

The answer is always, "Yes."

It does not matter if your heart was just ripped out of your chest and you just lost your biggest play of the month, you will display the practiced nonchalance of someone who wins their bets all the time. The answer is always, "Yes, that was good for us." You are Danny Ocean for Oceans Eleven. You are the epitome of cool. Think George Clooney rolling into a card game to pick up your ne'er-do-well friend Brad Pitt.

Distribution of winnings

Have a "fun" bank account, not at your bank that is your day to day checking, holds your mortgage, etc. A different bank altogether, somewhere close by so you can go in the branch all the time and they recognize you and like you and don't blink an eye when you withdraw or deposit large sums of cash. My local branch loves me. I'm in there once a week even if I don't have business, just so everyone knows my name and asks after my kids.

Cash out from a casino trip/your bookie is distributed in the following manner:

Replenish your bankroll. If you normally take 200 bucks, 2k, 5k whatever, make sure that's set aside in the "fun" checking account ready for next go 'round, or the next time you have to re-up.

If it was a cc, that gets paid immediately in full from your "fun" checking account.

Pay yourself. Take half of everything you won that trip, that week, that month (however you break it down) and put cash in your safety deposit box at your "fun" bank. That doesn't get touched. Forget about it. Don't count it. It's like money spent. It's gone. It's sitting there for that piece of property in Tulum once the kids are established as adults.

Now pay everybody else. Have a savings account at the "fun" bank. Move some into that savings account. Move some into the kids' college fund. Pay off a credit card. Put some cash in your back pocket (not your wallet, see below) for The Warden. Give her a kiss 😘 and a stack of benjis 💸 from time to time. Don't keep track of what you give her, don't ask what she spends it on. It's gone. It's social lubricant. It's the price of doing business.

Note for those who have teenagers

Whatever you keep in your wallet is going to go away. It's like having mice in the grain silo. I recommend you keep $19 in your wallet at all times. No twenties!! $19 is enough to give your kid a five for some hot chocolate at Starbucks. It's enough to tip your local bartender cash. It's not enough for that "great sweater" at Gap or that new Xbox game at Gamestop or "some golf balls" at Dicks. $19 is the sweet spot. Practice looking into your wallet and thumbing through the ten, five and four ones and shaking your head ruefully, "Sorry, I only have nineteen."

I keep a small fire safe for documents under my bed. You can purchase this at Home Depot for fifty bucks. The fire safe has cash. It replenishes the wallet that always has $19. No more and no less.

In case of fire break glass

The fire safe funds can be used to placate The Warden.

Sometimes The Warden will see through your careful veneer of easy-come easy-go confidence. You are channeling your inner Danny Ocean and cool as a cucumber on game day, but somehow she knows. You can see it in her eye. The scripted responses have failed. It's better to come clean with a shrug and an honest assessment along the lines of, "Yeah, things didn't break our way today."

Note two things here:

First: it's inclusive pronouns. "We are doing great. We are making lots of money. This is a joint operation. Gosh I love you so much honey."

Second, you always follow up the first admission with a positive that goes along the lines of, "Yeah, things didn't break our way today. But we made a killing last week." You then go get cash from the fire safe and hand a wad of benjis to The Warden.

Thus endeth the lesson. Next week on Garraund's Fire Talk, How to Include The Warden in a all-expense paid Gambling Junket.


Well-known member
This is it right here. The fun bank account is a must G. I personally put my winnings in it during the season. If I have a really good week the boss gets a little cut plus a nice night out. Just don’t dip into money you need to pay bills, mortgages or vehicle payments. We all know people who have done this and lost everything. Learn bankroll management and stick to a plan.


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7-7-1 on the Turkey Trot last three days. I survived a day without teasers or parlays yesterday (though my implied teaser won thankyouverymuch) You can thank Kappa and his two LOL's for that. You will not get off so easy today.


Pittsburgh +4 ......................🦃 🦃 🦃

Pittsburgh is 4-1 ATS as dog this season.
Big Ben is 6-1 outright as a dog v. Cinci in his career. Ben is 23-12 ATS career v. Cinci.
Cinci is 0-3 ATS last 3 at home.
Pitt has revenge on their mind from early loss to Cinci this season.

Carolina pick'em ......................🦃 🦃 🦃

Carolina 10-3 ATS on the road under Rhule
Cam has had another full week of practice in this system, is healthy and is clearly motivated. A healthy, motivated Cam is a dangerous beast.
CMC is healthy. See note about Cam above. CMC is a beast, period.

Minnesota +3'......................🦃 🦃 🦃

Minny 5-1 ATS as dog.
Minny 4-1 ATS as road dog
SF has lost 9 consequitive home games as favorite.
Shanahan is 3-16-2 ATS as a home favorite.

teaser · mystery · puzzle · riddle · conundrum · paradox · problem · quandary

New England pick
Indianapolis +10 ......................🦃 🦃 🦃

LAC +4
Minnesota +10' ......................🦃 🦃 🦃

Minnesota has 9 one-score games, 3 OT, and 5 that were decided by less than three points. Seems ripe for paradoxing.
Chargers beat Broncos.


Atlanta First Half Under 23 ...............🦃 🦃 🦃 🦃


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OMG.... LMFAO...Me being an elder statesman of this forum I believe in some of your words of wisdom....the $19 for teenagers(Mine are now 34&35)....$19 aint gonna work....tryover is more of how my life is if I attended a Vegas casino....LOL
putting a sawbuck/a fiver and 2 TOONIES in your wallet x 2...and you'll never find the Toonies(our 2 dollar coin) in any wallet unless it's ur front pocket.
Always share with the warden....lose or win....the fire safe is my back-up....she thinks only the Wills are in there so she never checks...lol...if she did she would by a new wardrobe with the benji's in there.
She works at the Casino here in Niagara so she is not allowed to play, Although I do not attend the casino... only when friends come down I go to the safe and conjure up some excuse for allowing myself to step foot into that shit hole....nice place but still a shit hole..
Great advice and I can see that the rest of the forum is Laughing their respective ass off at my expense...lol.
Hey.. I like Danny Ocean....but the Hangover movie is more of what would happen to me with buddies if we attended a Vegas casino....Wife...not so much.LMFAO
Thanks for the words of wisdom...will check in time to time and let you all know how I'm making out...Lidder.



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Good luck G!!

I have been riding Pit and Min as dogs all year, both are great teams when getting points (and horrible teams when laying chalk). But these trends will tend to regress and I find today is the day that both or at least one of them falls ATS. I really like SF to win and cover today. Normally Min is an auto dog play for me but not today. No bad luck.


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I don’t play teasers or parlays. But when it comes to your first half unders that’s an auto tail for me every time. Thanks for the easy Falcons 1H under winner.


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Wow. Just catching up since I was on the road yesterday till about 7pm. Gold is an understatement. But I do have a question G? What happens if you fall on the floor in total defeat and the fire safe is emptied? My plan for this is simple, come clean over a great dinner out and start over. And the $19 kids plan is awesome strategy. Look forward to the next fireside chat. BB ( or orchard park boy as Lid and CC call me)