Sonny Palermo
January 23rd, 2004, 09:50 AM
Chapter 6
Shock and Oww
Joe: “AAAAAHHHHH!”
Jesus: “OOOOWWWW!”
Chapter 7
Jesus of Vegas
My first waking thought - “where am I?”
Then I remembered - I had made the decision to return.
My next thought was “who is that little man running out the door and why is he screaming like that?”
Both thoughts are quickly forgotten as I’m overcome by intense pain, and looking left, then right, I see why - my hands!
OOOUCCCHHH! DAMNIT I forgot how much that hurts!”
I quickly pulled them free. I realized my mistake – my feet are still pinned - but too late, like a board game spinner I find myself falling, rotating 180 degrees. Upside down now, I hit my head on the ground.
“OOOWWWW!" I pull my feet free and touch my wounds.
They heal and disappear. I still got it!
I am swathed in only a small piece of cloth. Entering the vestibule behind the altar I spot a closet and remove a robe. I glance upwards and pray for forgiveness, asking my Father to understand that I am sorry for disobeying Him.
Then quickly add “and for stealing this robe.”
I walk out a side door and the sun hits Me. It feels good.
After two centuries times ten I have returned.......
Chapter 8
Spread the word - He's back!
A furious banging erupts and is ceaseless on the rectory door.
Father Flaherty opens it to find Homeless Joe standing there, bug-eyed, white as a sheet, and sweating an ocean.
Flaherty asks, “What is it Joe? You look like you've seen the Holy Ghost.”
“Father, come quick, in the church, there’s a….the ummm…I was praying and uhhh,”
“Get a grip man, calm down, what is it you’re trying to say?”
“Jesus came down off the cross”.
“What?”
“I was praying, I heard a yell, I looked up, and Jesus was looking down at me. I ran away but as I got to the door I heard a loud ‘thud’. I couldn’t help but look back and I saw Jesus. He was off the cross and lying on the ground. I think he hit his head.”
Flaherty laughs and looking at Joe says “I think SOMEBODY hit his head. Either that or someone has been dipping into the sacrificial wine again.”
“Honest Father, I swear. I didn’t steal any wine, I didn’t hit my head and Jesus is back. Come see for yourself.”
Joe grabs Father Flaherty by the arm and leads him back into the church. Looking up, Flaherty sees the cross is empty.
Chapter 9
The phone rings in Metro Police headquarters. Dispatch takes the call and asks the closest car to check out a possible robbery at Saint Matthews Church. On his commute to work Detective Pat Majerski hears the call, grabs his mike and replies “don’t bother sending a squad car, I’m a block away. That’s my parish anyway, I’ll take the call.”
As he pulls into the church parking lot Majerski is thinking “If I’ve told him once I’ve told him a thousand times, Father you have to keep the church doors locked or the neighborhood drug addicts will rob the poor box every time.”
He steps from his car and sees the priest is accompanied by Homeless Joe, and wonders if it was the sacrificial wine and not the poor box that was robbed.
“Good morning Father, what’s the problem?”
“It seems some juveniles pulled a prank and stole our statue of Jesus” Flaherty replied.
“What, the tiny one from the manger scene?”
“No, the one from the cross behind the altar.”
Majerski does a classic double take. “Is this a joke? Are you kidding me? That statue is 6 foot tall and must weigh a ton.”
“I don’t know what it weighs but it’s not a joke – the statue is gone.”
Majerski frowns a bit, realizing his hopes for a nice quiet Christmas Eve shift were slipping away.
“OK, is anything else missing?”
Flaherty tells him he believes they are short one bottle of sacred wine. Also missing is a special robe, a plain white one used for Christmas day services.
Upon hearing that wine and clothing are also missing Majerski looks at Homeless Joe with renewed interest.
“What’s your part in all this Joe?”
Father Flaherty raised a hand to stop him from speaking but was too slow.
Joe blurted it out. “Jesus came down from cross. He musta’ been the one who took the robe.”
Majerski rubbed his face with both hands, as his hopes for a quiet shift had just went from slipping away to blown away.
Chapter 10
Viva Las Jesus
I walked away from the church, intent on finding my way to the courthouse to confront the monster Father O'Ryan. While passing a small wedding chapel I noticed Elvis Presley standing by a side door, stealing a quick smoke. I started to approach to ask why he was back here too when I remembered – I’m in Vegas - it was just an Elvis impersonator. He looked up at me and said “hey boy, who are yew and whatcha doin here?”
“I am Jesus.”
“Well, uhh, we don’t need no Jesus’s ‘round here.
All kinda folks are a-livin in sin these days an there ain’t barely enough weddins for people wantin ta be married by Elvis so I don’t need no competition cause some fools rush in thinkin it'd be cool to be married by Jesus his damn self. Go on now and git, peddle yer Jesus impersonator stuff sumwhere else.”
Not knowing what the hell he was babbling about I got directions to the courthouse from him and walked away......
Shock and Oww
Joe: “AAAAAHHHHH!”
Jesus: “OOOOWWWW!”
Chapter 7
Jesus of Vegas
My first waking thought - “where am I?”
Then I remembered - I had made the decision to return.
My next thought was “who is that little man running out the door and why is he screaming like that?”
Both thoughts are quickly forgotten as I’m overcome by intense pain, and looking left, then right, I see why - my hands!
OOOUCCCHHH! DAMNIT I forgot how much that hurts!”
I quickly pulled them free. I realized my mistake – my feet are still pinned - but too late, like a board game spinner I find myself falling, rotating 180 degrees. Upside down now, I hit my head on the ground.
“OOOWWWW!" I pull my feet free and touch my wounds.
They heal and disappear. I still got it!
I am swathed in only a small piece of cloth. Entering the vestibule behind the altar I spot a closet and remove a robe. I glance upwards and pray for forgiveness, asking my Father to understand that I am sorry for disobeying Him.
Then quickly add “and for stealing this robe.”
I walk out a side door and the sun hits Me. It feels good.
After two centuries times ten I have returned.......
Chapter 8
Spread the word - He's back!
A furious banging erupts and is ceaseless on the rectory door.
Father Flaherty opens it to find Homeless Joe standing there, bug-eyed, white as a sheet, and sweating an ocean.
Flaherty asks, “What is it Joe? You look like you've seen the Holy Ghost.”
“Father, come quick, in the church, there’s a….the ummm…I was praying and uhhh,”
“Get a grip man, calm down, what is it you’re trying to say?”
“Jesus came down off the cross”.
“What?”
“I was praying, I heard a yell, I looked up, and Jesus was looking down at me. I ran away but as I got to the door I heard a loud ‘thud’. I couldn’t help but look back and I saw Jesus. He was off the cross and lying on the ground. I think he hit his head.”
Flaherty laughs and looking at Joe says “I think SOMEBODY hit his head. Either that or someone has been dipping into the sacrificial wine again.”
“Honest Father, I swear. I didn’t steal any wine, I didn’t hit my head and Jesus is back. Come see for yourself.”
Joe grabs Father Flaherty by the arm and leads him back into the church. Looking up, Flaherty sees the cross is empty.
Chapter 9
The phone rings in Metro Police headquarters. Dispatch takes the call and asks the closest car to check out a possible robbery at Saint Matthews Church. On his commute to work Detective Pat Majerski hears the call, grabs his mike and replies “don’t bother sending a squad car, I’m a block away. That’s my parish anyway, I’ll take the call.”
As he pulls into the church parking lot Majerski is thinking “If I’ve told him once I’ve told him a thousand times, Father you have to keep the church doors locked or the neighborhood drug addicts will rob the poor box every time.”
He steps from his car and sees the priest is accompanied by Homeless Joe, and wonders if it was the sacrificial wine and not the poor box that was robbed.
“Good morning Father, what’s the problem?”
“It seems some juveniles pulled a prank and stole our statue of Jesus” Flaherty replied.
“What, the tiny one from the manger scene?”
“No, the one from the cross behind the altar.”
Majerski does a classic double take. “Is this a joke? Are you kidding me? That statue is 6 foot tall and must weigh a ton.”
“I don’t know what it weighs but it’s not a joke – the statue is gone.”
Majerski frowns a bit, realizing his hopes for a nice quiet Christmas Eve shift were slipping away.
“OK, is anything else missing?”
Flaherty tells him he believes they are short one bottle of sacred wine. Also missing is a special robe, a plain white one used for Christmas day services.
Upon hearing that wine and clothing are also missing Majerski looks at Homeless Joe with renewed interest.
“What’s your part in all this Joe?”
Father Flaherty raised a hand to stop him from speaking but was too slow.
Joe blurted it out. “Jesus came down from cross. He musta’ been the one who took the robe.”
Majerski rubbed his face with both hands, as his hopes for a quiet shift had just went from slipping away to blown away.
Chapter 10
Viva Las Jesus
I walked away from the church, intent on finding my way to the courthouse to confront the monster Father O'Ryan. While passing a small wedding chapel I noticed Elvis Presley standing by a side door, stealing a quick smoke. I started to approach to ask why he was back here too when I remembered – I’m in Vegas - it was just an Elvis impersonator. He looked up at me and said “hey boy, who are yew and whatcha doin here?”
“I am Jesus.”
“Well, uhh, we don’t need no Jesus’s ‘round here.
All kinda folks are a-livin in sin these days an there ain’t barely enough weddins for people wantin ta be married by Elvis so I don’t need no competition cause some fools rush in thinkin it'd be cool to be married by Jesus his damn self. Go on now and git, peddle yer Jesus impersonator stuff sumwhere else.”
Not knowing what the hell he was babbling about I got directions to the courthouse from him and walked away......